This is long overdue, I know. I'm still getting accustomed to this blogging business and I'm about to dump out a bunch of stories from my and Lylah's trip up north to visit family and friends which was, like, a month ago. BUT FIRST I must take a moment to vent about my distaste for Los Angeles County. Nothing good besides my degree and my man has ever come out of that place. The civil engineers that designed the hornet's nest they call a freeway system there need to seriously reconsider their vocation. All the innocent travelers that pass through there become prisoners to the torturous, tormenting, and unrelenting traffic that plagues that terrible place. It's like Shawshank but without the redemption. I sat in traffic from the time I got off the grapevine until I hit Anaheim. IS THAT NOT A SIGN?? Literally... traffic from one side of LA County to the other. It was pure madness and I swear I had 5 years knocked off my life just in that trip- 2 from breathing in all the pollution and 3 more from nearly getting side-swiped by a Prius (you may have an environmental conscience but you have no manners), a semi, and an Astro Van. But I digress... now on to more important things like sharing wisdom that clearly was not mentioned in the What To Expect books (a reference that only pregnant people would understand).
1. When you pull off the freeway to fill up, ALWAYS switch out the toy that's hanging on the carseat. It will help keep whining at bay so that you can enjoy one of the three radio stations that you can get while driving through central California on I5. Trust me... a Spanish morning show is still preferable to a screaming little human.
2. Driving UNTIL your fellow traveler starts screaming her head off is not tactful. It's a good idea in theory, especially when you're anxious to get to your destination. You think "If I can only get a few more miles in, I'll be that much closer to [insert point of destination here] than I was before and then I'll stop to meet her needs." When actually applied, it's disastrous. No one wants to be that mom that cares for herself while her baby cries. The searing glances that you will be met with can pretty much burn your eyeballs out so when I pulled off the freeway in Nowhere, CA I obviously couldn't go to the bathroom before the baby was fed and changed. As a result, I was reduced down to showcasing my own rendition of the pee-pee dance in the Target parking lot while I changed Lylah's diaper in the front seat (better than showing it off at the changing table in the bathroom). So let this be a lesson to all who plan to embark on a road trip with a tiny plus-one. Pull over, pee, feed, burp, change in that order all prior to even the slightest whimper from your backseat.
3. Having a friend sit in the backseat with your baby will only make your baby wonder how the bigger humans can be so cruel. I can only imagine Lylah thinking "You restrain me in this chair giving me nothing to look at and when I finally get someone to come back here to play with me, all I get is a smile and maybe a finger to hold on to? Pick me up for Frank's sake." All it becomes is a tease, which then leads to more screaming. On that note however, I was sooooo grateful that Katie drove up with me. There was one moment in particular on the drive up where I considered getting out of the car and Waltzing across the freeway if it wasn't for her.
4. Andersen's Pea Soup is not as friendly as it appears. Remember those stares I was talking about earlier? You know, the ones that burn through your skull and drain any self-confidence you had? Yeah... never put it past sweet-looking old couples to deliver those as you try to console your screaming baby. I would have preferred to stick my head into a vat of that pea soup (which doesn't even taste that good, I might add).
5. This is more of a personal lesson that probably won't apply to anyone else but I wanted to share it anyway. I finally discovered that my daughter stores an extra octave and surround sound in those giant cheeks of hers and they're reserved specifically for roadtrips. Lylah screamed at a pitch and volume that would put Alvin to shame. If that isn't enough to convince someone that she is part chipmunk, she also developed the habit of hiding things and not recalling where she put them. When we finally got home I found three, I repeat THREE pacifiers lodged underneath the pads of her carseat. Two were under the pad that supports her little bum and one was behind the pad that supports her head. What the... how on earth?
My plan was to dive a little deeper into how the actual visit was but recalling these memories has been exhausting and I need a nap. Instead, I'll just dump a bunch of pictures-
Updates will follow sooner or later... I promise that they'll at least come later. Ta-ta!
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