Obviously, it's been a while since I've posted. I have excuses. I do. Whether they are good or not I will leave only to me to judge. In any case, when it comes to blogging, the very thought of it is extremely draining to me. At the end of the day (and by this I mean when D has retired to her room) I'm so mentally drained that I can't bear the thought of constructing a discernible sentence let alone a whole blog entry... with wit... and a theme... and a half-baked-90s-family-sitcom-coming-of-age lesson. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself. Most of the blogs that I read are fantastic. That's why I read them. Come to think of it, there are many more that I don't read. This is also probably for good reason. There are two blogs in particular that I absolutely love and have therefore sent me into a vortex of cyber depression. Hyperbole and a Half and Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures are two of my favorites as of late and I spend most of my spare time and time I shouldn't be sparing reading and rereading and reading again, thus resulting in my perpetual cycle of read-laugh-feel disappointed in self-pity self-despair-read to cheer self up. Frankly, I suck at blogging. Really. Be that as it may, I shall continue if only to validate with myself that there are some people that are just interested in knowing about my kid. She is pretty awesome. So let's get on with it. But consider this your warning that I'm not funny, clever, or cyber-trendy.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. This is in part due to the fact that adult interaction is pretty minimal these days. *On that note, Jake is doing great. He loves all of you... probably. I'll keep everyone informed with updates similar to that... in which case you're probably better off just asking him yourself. A lot of what has been plaguing my brain is a series of potential scenarios all having to do with my daughter as a teenager. They all end in a gutter, under an eighteen-wheeler, eaten, or with a terminal illness. Depending on the storyline, it's either me or her who ends up there. The scariest part of this whole parenting thing to me is guiding a child into who they are fit to be. By this I mean recognizing a child's strengths and working to build on them. We all have an idea of who we want our children to be- one who leads with confidence and conviction and makes everyone agree on everything there ever was to agree on. In other words, the best president ever. Don't lie. You want that too. But there is a very fine line between wanting what you think is best and really recognizing what is best.
"Everyone is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll spend its whole life believing that it is stupid." The quote goes something like that. Albert Einstein said it.
Yikes. Scary. During pregnancy, most, if not all women with their first have this idea of how things are going to be- the pregnancy, delivery, what you feed baby, what baby will wear, what her schedule will be like, what music you'll play, how much time you spend with her, and what color her bedding will be. Of course, when you're pregnant, the thought of one thing going wrong results in an implosion of any confidence you had (which is serious... considering you're already fat) and you are then haunted by nightmares of your baby suffering from the first case of the super ultimate supreme flu virus that is resistant to any and all vaccines and is PERMANENT! This is serious. Pregnant ladies really do feel this way. Ask Jake. Unfortunately, I still think this way sometimes. There are days where I am flooded by an illegitimate fear that if I do not spend a specific number of milliseconds with D every day teaching her to be a responsible, loving, caring, confident human being she's going to end up a Crip, gypsy... or a Fox News Anchor... ultimately leading to cancer... by the time she's 5.
I hope that Jake doesn't read this one. He truly dislikes when I think in terms of absolutes. Like yesterday I'm pretty sure that I told him that we needed to change something... really drastic... can't remember what it is at the moment... but if we didn't change it we would get cancer. Naturally, he agreed to do it because, well, he's awesome. A week earlier I informed him he would be joining me in eating strictly vegan two times a week because red meat gives you cancer. "Ok," he said. Again... he's pretty freakin' great. I don't know what I did to snag him.
In the end, I'm still struggling with the idea that one move I make could send my kid to the top of everything or off a cliff. Babies are easy. I think that's why women want so many of them. You meet their needs. They love you. We tend to forget that baby is only temporary and we need to start preparing ourselves... FOR THE POST-PRESCHOOL APOCALYPSE. Maybe that's just me. I'm scared out of my wits.
At the same time, a thought just crossed my mind from a long time ago. My dad, in his infinite artsy wisdom, once told me that society really doesn't change all that much. I think we tend to think we are unique in thinking that we are on the cusp of a nuclear war with at least one of the countries that hates America. We also like to believe that our society has become more corrupt, loose in morals and, essentially, going to hell. This time the basket has been weaved by President Obama and the democrats and EVERYONE that supports marriage equality. A couple decades ago it was all those damn punk rockers with their druuuuugs and their distaste for President Reagan. Before that it was those flower children with no bras or inhibitions. Before that it was the drinkers and the crazy bitches who wanted the right to vote. Things have always been the way they are now. Maybe my kid will turn out ok.
I skipped on any profound reflection because that last paragraph got way deeper than I intended. Please now enjoy the antidote to my stupid rants- A PICTURE DUMP!
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